How we communicate with others has a big impact on how well we connect with them. The PAC Model (Parent Adult Child) is a simple way to understand how we think, feel and behave in different situations. It’s based on Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis theory. This model shows how we all switch between three states – Parent, Adult and Child, often without realising it. Being able to spot them can improve our communication skills and is especially useful in sales training, where knowing people’s behaviours can lead to more productive conversations and stronger relationships.
How Parental Influences Shape Your Thinking?
We learn behaviours, beliefs and ways of thinking from our parents and others at a very young age. This is called the Parent ego state in the PAC Model. It’s made up of rules, lessons and habits we learn as kids, like “Always tell the truth” or “Never give up”. Some of these are good for us, but some hold us back; as we grow up, we can evaluate these beliefs and decide which to keep and which to let go. But it takes awareness and effort to do so.
What Is the Parent Ego State?
The Parent ego state is part of our mind that holds the ideas, behaviours and attitudes we learned from our parents; it contains rules like “always be polite” and “never give up” that guide us through life. These messages can be beneficial at times, but they can also be restrictive if they are overly strict or outdated. Understanding this ego state enables us to identify where our ideas and emotions originate.
The Impact of Parental Messages on Your Decisions
Many of the decisions we make, big or small, are influenced by the messages we received as children. If you were repeatedly urged to “always work hard,” you could push yourself to your limits. If you’ve heard “don’t take risks,” you could struggle to explore new things. These deeply held ideas can significantly influence relationships, careers, and self-esteem. While some messages are beneficial, others might hold us back. Recognising them is the first step in making decisions that actually benefit us.
Can You Change Deeply Rooted Mindsets?
Yes, but it requires work. The teachings we get as children do not have to rule us indefinitely. As adults, we can reassess our former beliefs and decide whether they still benefit us. This includes identifying patterns, confronting negative thoughts, and replacing them with better perspectives. It won’t happen immediately, but with awareness and practice, we can change our thinking, allowing us greater flexibility to make decisions that reflect who we truly are.
What Does It Mean To work From An 'adult' Mindset?
Thinking as an adult means making decisions based on current events and facts. Not reacting with emotions like a child or repeating old patterns from the Parent state. Being an adult means being calm and rational; it means asking questions, considering many options and making rational decisions. It means staying in control, handling challenges better and responding thoughtfully and balanced.
How Childhood Patterns Influence Your Emotional Reactions
How we react to situations as children might still influence how we respond as adults. If we were scared, frustrated, or upset in specific situations when we were younger, we might behave similarly now—without realising it. For example, feeling neglected may rekindle childhood feelings of being left out; these natural reactions come from deep inside us, but by acknowledging them, we can learn to manage our emotions in a healthier way.
What Is the Child Ego State?
The Child ego state is the part of ourselves that reacts emotionally, much as we did when we were younger. It contains all of our inherent curiosity, enthusiasm, and creativity, as well as our fears, frustrations, and insecurities. If something upsets us, we may pout, get defensive, or feel powerless, just like a child might. While the Child state is important, particularly for fun and playfulness, it can also take over in stressful situations.
Recognising Child Ego Reactions in Everyday Life:
Have you ever felt like sulking because someone criticised you? Or perhaps you had a sudden burst of excitement over something minor? These are signs of the Child’s ego state at work. It can manifest itself in times of joy, as well as when we are hurt, rejected, or ashamed. A person experiencing this condition may pout, lash out, or feel overwhelmed. Noticing these reactions allows us to better understand our emotions and behave in a balanced manner.
How to Manage and Overcome Child Ego Triggers:
Recognising the child-ego’s responses is the first step in dealing with them. When you see yourself over reacting to a situation, take a deep breath and pause. Ask yourself, “Am I reacting as my adult self or as a child?” Remember you are in control now. Instead of reacting with frustration or sadness try to think rationally and respond calmly; over time this awareness will help you control your emotions and make better decisions in tough situations.
The Evolving Parent Adult Child Theory in Transactional Analysis:
Over time the Parent adult child model has evolved to provide a more complete explanation of how humans think and behave. Originally the Parent and Child ego states were seen as one entity but now they are two separate categories.
- Nurturing Parent – This role is kind and supportive, providing encouragement and kindness.
- Critical Parent – This role is harsher, enforcing rules and correcting behaviour.
- Adapted Child – This ego responds with resistance, fear, or insecurity.
- Free Child – This ego is fun, creative, and unpredictable.
The Adult’s ego state stays constant, which helps to balance the Parent and Child. Understanding these shifts allows us to better regulate our reactions and communication.
Understanding the Two Ego States of a Child:
Adapted vs. Free
The Child’s ego state has two sides, Adapted and Free, which influence how we respond to events.
- Adapted Child – This side appears when we feel pressured, criticised, or controlled. It may elicit sentiments of fear, resistance, or frustration. People in this state may avoid conflict or respond defensively.
- Free Child – This is the playful, creative, and impulsive side. It manifests itself when we feel safe and happy, allowing us to express joy, curiosity, and inventiveness.
Applying Parent Adult Child to day to day life
We all swing between Parent, Adult, and Child ego states in our everyday talks, frequently without realising it. The way we speak, behave, and respond to people might show which condition we are in.
For example, if someone acts harshly or bossily, they may be in their parental mode. If they appear calm, analytical and focused on solutions, they are most likely in Adult mode. When someone reacts emotionally, such as laughing, pouting, or sulking, they may be in the Child state.
Recognising the different ego states in ourselves and others allows us to communicate more clearly, prevent misunderstandings, and respond more effectively. We can strengthen our relationships and deal with obstacles more effectively if we choose the right ego state in various scenarios.
